3 Adolescence Lessons from Two of 2013’s Most Honest (and Underrated) Comedies

Coming-of-age films are so common that they’ve become as watered down and disingenuous as most romantic comedies. If you’re all grown up and looking for a genuine touch of heartbreakingly hilarious nostalgia, or a youth seeking an honest look at the present and the future; here are two films that really get it right, and a few things to look for:

“Young Adult,” Directed by Jason Reitman, Written by Diablo Cody, and Starring Charlize Theron

“The Perks of Being a Wallflower,” Written and Directed by Stephen Chbosky;  Starring Logan Lerman

1.     Forming Meaningful and Lasting Bonds is More About the Bad Stuff than the Good Stuff

Charlie in “Wallflower” has only ever had one real friend, and the movie opens with that kid having already killed himself. It’s the unwillingness to share this, amongst other tragedies, in his life that prevents him from making new friends. His attempts at not being weird ensure that he is weird.

Mavis in “Young Adult” threads together happiness in her life mostly through sex and memories of her old high school sweetheart. Her journey back to her hometown is doomed from the moment it starts, because she seeks the fun-loving joys of a life that can only really exist in a time when responsibilities don’t exist. There was so much joy back then, because there weren’t families to tend to, mortgages to pay, hurts from which to develop bad habits. Mavis steps right back into her adolescent shoes, throwing off the reigns of adulthood, neglecting to imagine that Buddy has not (and would not by choice, even if he could).

Sure, revealing that we’re slightly bored and severely confused as human beings is going to cause some trouble like Charlie’s expulsion from the group when he responds honestly to a dare, or Matt’s harsh criticisms when Mavis abuses their friendship to perpetuate her fairy tale. Some things can never be recovered from, like when Patrick expects Brad to acknowledge that shit has officially hit the fan in “Wallflower.” He won’t step up; and, for all the joys, their bond is not strong.

But, once in a while, when we let all the ugliness and discomfort of another in (as well as our own out), we can be Mavis and Matt, standing terribly sad before one another – and yet closer than either has ever been to another human being. We can be Samantha and Charlie uncovering just how fucked up the other is and want to be there more for it.

2.     Everything Changes All the Time, Even the Past – And Hopefully Us

One of “Wallflower’s” greatest cinematic achievements is that it never actually tells us the real tragedy that screwed Charlie’s brain. We just know it. Half-second clips and clever juxtaposition show us, very slowly, what happened until it is simply absorbed into our psyche just like it has his.

There are great things that we’ll one day hate, and there are terrible things that we will one day love. These things, far more than the things that remain the same, will affect who we are, even if we don’t know it.

Mavis refuses to change from the age of 18 to 30, but that doesn’t stop the world (and the people who inhabit it) from changing. She wants to egg on a petty feud with her ex-boyfriend’s new wife, but instead of the knock-out, drag-down fight that may end a modern, superficial romantic comedy, she receives pity from her rival in one of the film’s strangely saddest scenes.

Charlie finds a new form of peace in his acceptance that life changes, his friends change, and he changes. Because change for the better is something that can be appreciated more deeply when you know it is temporary, and a change for the worse is far less scary when you know the same thing. Or as he puts so well:

“Please believe that things are good with me, even when they’re not, because they will be soon enough.”

Mary Elizabeth’s unfortunate entanglement with Charlie…

Matt’s kindness being abused for growth…

Buddy’s family being challenged…

Charlie’s own traumas…

Samanthas friendship’s being tarnished…

Mavis’s life gets exponentially better when she recognizes the reality of Matt’s pain. Charlie’s when he is more consistently open and honest.

Adolescence is a strange time. A movie about it should be funny, but it should also be awkward, and a little difficult. 

Leave a comment below about your most memorable adolescent lesson!